dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
