I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
