just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
