I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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