Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
