ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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