y did u give ur computer a hand job?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need moral support for this bender
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
