I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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