The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
