did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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