my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
