Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
