I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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