I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
