I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
