I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
His hands were made for my vagina.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
