I wish I could punch you in the face.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize