he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
