Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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