Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
