Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
