We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
