How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
