Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Found your dick twin last night
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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