dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
