your room smells of hookers.
And success
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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