he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
