I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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