I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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