you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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