They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
i believe in u and ur pee
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
