It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
