So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
