so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
