Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
