I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
