If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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