chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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