my vag is so smooth its legendary
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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