Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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