why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
