omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
