We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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