Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
