I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
