It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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