It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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