Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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