This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
