I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
