there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
