I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You have to summon your inner elephant
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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