I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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