Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
