I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
