This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
