And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
ok first of all what the fuck
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
