we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
